Insecurities – Part 1

Insecurities – Part 1

Not Waving but Drowning
By Stevie Smith

“Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.”

Haven’t we all felt that lonely pain? We put on a brave face and wave, when inside we feel overwhelmed by the waves of life.

Covid has brought with it a torrent of waves. Perhaps most painful of all, though, is the cold loneliness of not being with our friends and family for such a long time. We’re all feeling a bit lost out at sea at the moment.

My insecurities, mistakes and flaws have always been there, like a sort of mild current under the surface. However, over the last six or seven months, they have been bubbling up to the surface, leaving me feeling pretty rubbish at times.

Many others have expressed similar feelings to me, especially in the last couple of months.

One of the biggest problems with all this isolation is how we can end up thinking about ourselves so much.

It is difficult to take your attention off yourself and focus on others, when you’re not actually seeing anyone else very often.

Meeting with friends gives us that opportunity to celebrate with them, when things go well. Cry with them in their struggles. Cook for them when their hungry. Offer them support through the waves of life. It gives us purpose and joy to be there for others – and forget about ourselves.

Equally when we meet face to face, we’re able to see the compassion and care in another person’s expression.

I don’t imagine for a moment that my many flaws have gone unnoticed by my friends and family. However, seeing they still love me, in spite of all my mistakes and blunders, keeps the flood of insecurities in check.

Not being able to see family and friends takes away that salve for a mistake filled life. And what are we left with?

This is where I am realising afresh, there is nothing else for it than to run into the arms of Jesus. Like our friends, Jesus loves us in spite of our flaws. In fact there is no flaw hidden from Him, at all. And no flaw that can stop Him loving us.

Our church members have been selecting a verse for the day and writing a few thoughts on it since the start of the first lockdown. It has been wonderful to hear from everyone, especially when we can’t meet up.

A hymn that has been quoted at least 3 times (and again this morning, though I drafted this blog some time ago) is ‘Turn your eyes toward Jesus‘.

I guess because 1) It is so important to do and 2) it is so easy to forget.

I love this hymn. But the logical part of my brain does think ‘how can we look full in His face?’

None of us can see Jesus. We don’t have pictures of Him. We can’t see the love and compassion in His eyes, like we can with our friends.

Instead we must find the love and compassion in His words and actions. When insecurities and troubles afflict me, I have found it helpful to, literally, repeat to myself some of the things Jesus did or said while He was here. That way I can hang my thoughts on tangible aspects of Jesus, not just a distant idea of Him.

If you struggle to remember a story, just turn to the Bible and open up one of the four gospels, at the start of the New Testament. There are plenty to choose from.

Knowing the love of Him, who is so powerful and merciful, can keep our insecurities in check when nothing else can.

“Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus” (Hebrews 3:1).

Fungi Theme Thursday

Mushrooms are amazing. We only see their ‘face’ briefly once a year in the autumn. However, the bulk of the organism is hidden underground, quietly supporting plants and trees all year long.

This theme day was inspired by an excellent curriculum we started last year called ‘Exploring Nature‘.

It started with breakfast…

Then face paint.

Then we made some easy coconut mushrooms.

5 from 1 vote

Coconut mushrooms


  • 250 g digestive biscuits
  • 395 g condensed milk
  • 50 g desiccated coconut
  • 2 tbls cocoa
  • 1 bag mini marshmallows


  1. crush the biscuits into fine crumbs using a processor or rolling pin

  2. mix in the cocoa

  3. stir in the condensed milk and form into balls

  4. push in a marshmallow to look like the stem of the mushroom

  5. roll in coconutcoconut and chill

While I tidied up and got our next activities ready, the children completed word searches and colouring pages.


And made some mushrooms from lego.

We had some fun with this crazy youtube video, and burnt some calories ready for our stuffed mushroom lunch…

This is possibly the healthiest meal all the children have been happy to eat – I’m not sure Dad enjoyed them much though!

Next we made some book marks.

Then we got out all our books with fungi in and tried to identify mushrooms we had photographed from our nature walk earlier in the week.

We had a go at origami.

Finally we made our own woodland scene using things we had collected in previous weeks. We painted acorns to look like mushrooms. We cut out our leaf prints to cover the forest floor. We even scattered mini pine cones and sticks!

Another enjoyable day – and exhausted mother!

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6 Replies to “Insecurities – Part 1”

  1. Wow, Bex, this post is amazing! From the prose about insecurities to what you’ve done with the kids; incredible! So creative, inspiring, and fun! The recipes look so cool too!! ❤️

  2. 5 stars
    Very dear Rebecca – beautiful and inspiring! I don’t agree about the many flaws. I see perfection exploring. Love you!! 🙂

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